i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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