walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
