I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
