Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
