dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
