morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
