You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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