Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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