Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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