just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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