I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
