i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
