I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
