I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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