Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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