I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just had sex bonerless
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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