Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
