Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
