I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just threw up on my dentist
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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