Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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