I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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