I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
