M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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