is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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