I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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