I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
