can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
