i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
