ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize