Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
