my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
