how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
