I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
