Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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