he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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