she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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