Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
