Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
