how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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