College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
