Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
