so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
