i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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