I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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