it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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