I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
