Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
