Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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