it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
