Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
