can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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