HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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