A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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