I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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