last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
