Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
