Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
