Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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