I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
