I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
