hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
