If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
