where am i from again
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
